grieving without guilt

I know that baby showers and kid's birthday parties are emotionally hard to attend, i now realize that family get-togethers and fun family events, aren't so fun either. I had the weld county relay for life and a graduation party this weekend, i was asked about our lil' love bug about 5 times, i understand the curiosity. Some people didn't even know she had returned to her mother. It is so hard for me to answer those questions and i have a feeling i will be answering them for awhile. It makes going to family events not so appealing. Our lil' love bug was a part of our extended family and everyone was there for us so i feel like i owe them the answers to the questions. This makes me question whether we want to be involved with extended family the next time we have a placement. I totally understand the questions and curiosity, it is natural, especially when they have been a part of our lives. I just don't think i want to have to answer the questions next time. I feel like the only way to avoid this is to stay to ourselves, and i have found us doing that already. I go back and forth in wanting to be involved with all those special family events and it's something i am going to have to think on more. I hope that eventually i will be able to attend again without having the feelings right at the surface. It's just too soon right now. This first year is going to be hard, everything we do is just a reminder that we are doing all these things without our lil' love bug this time. I just hope people realize that we are in mourning, we are grieving. Right now we don't know if we will be able to see her ever again. We don't get to make those choices, her mom does and i have no idea if she wants us involved. It's heartbreaking and many people don't understand the pain. I had some pretty insensitive comments this weekend. Why do people feel it is necessary to downplay the joy of parenting and list all the reasons they wish they didn't have to deal with their children. PLEASE! I can't stand these insensitive comments, complaining about your children doesn't make me not want children of my own. It only makes me question your parenting skills. Talking up being childless doesn't help either! I know the advantages of not having children, i am 38 years old, i am not a teenager trying to get pregnant. It just goes to show that we will be facing these kind of questions for awhile. I want to be able to grieve and i want to be able to have my good days and my bad days. I don't want to feel guilty that i want to stay home or that i leave early. Please invite us to your special events, but please don't feel slighted if we decide not to attend or if we leave early. I never know if it is going to be a good day or a bad day, i never know what will trigger the grief. I may be having a great time and something as simple as a toy or certain food will trigger the emotions. I hope people understand and i hope i will start having fewer bad days and a whole lot of good days soon until then please know that i understand most comments are meant to comfort i hope you will still invite us to your special events, eventually we will start attending more often.