We will have our lil' love bug again on wednesday for a visit. This time we are bringing her to our house. I am really nervous about this, i hope she does good, and it isn't too hard for her to go back to her home after the visit. I am so excited for her to see the dogs, i know they are going to be so happy and excited themselves! Her and jazzy were such great buddies and even though stitch did not like her to touch him, he loved her! Needless to say, i am looking forward to wednesday!
We were supposed to have a visit with the boys on saturday, but brian ended up having bad sciatic nerve problems. I sure hope that this will not hurt us. It couldn't come at a worse time, here we are close to a decision, the foster parents getting a lawyer, and we need to do the attachment assessment. We have a lot on our plates and i think brian's body is just reacting to the stress. Unfortunately brian hurt his back yesterday, he was getting dressed and ended up with severe back pain. He can barely walk today and he is uncomfortable and in pain no matter if he is sitting, standing, walking, laying down. It just seems to be getting worse, lets hope we can go to the specialist today and get some answers.
I hope he can get the pain under control enough so we can make the trip to grand junction on friday for the attachment observation and hopefully court. Still no word on what will happen with court. The lawyers for the foster parents filed a continuance but the judge has not ruled on it yet. Let's hope he denies it! and we can have court on friday and hopefully a decision.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
lawyers, lawyers, lawyers
I am really sick of trying to stay positive. The foster parents decided to get a lawyer and now we may not need to go to grand junction for court next week. I am so tired of this, i thought we would have a decision. I am tired, mentally tired. They are doing attachment observations right now. We did these with our lil' love bug but they did nothing to help us. I hope they will not help the foster parents. I honestly don't feel like these foster parents would provide a good home for the boys.
I was looking forward to a decision and then we could stop making these visits to grand junction. The boys would be here with us, or they'd end up with those awful people and then we would have to just move on. Don't get me wrong, i enjoy the visits with the boys. They are wonderful boys, they make us laugh and we have a good time. But we spend hours getting there and we have no normal kind of weekend. The trips suck. Brian's back is killing him, being in the car for 12 hours a weekend is no fun, eating fast food and spending money we don't have; all of this for a four hour visit. It is not a relaxing weekend. Now, we are going to be doing this for another month or so.(nobody has actually given us a timeline about how much longer this is going to drag on)
This is something that needs to be resolved soon. We don't have a car to drive to the other side of the mountains if the weather starts getting bad. I also have no desire to drive over those mountains in snow! I get nervous driving in town with snow. Financially it is taking it's toll on us. I thank God we have my mom helping us, there is no way we could afford all these trips if it wasn't for her. She has been wonderful in helping us with money and letting us use her gas-efficient car. She has her own things going on right now and i am so thankful that she has seen beyond her own needs and been so generous to help brian and me.
I am feeling so negative but i just don't want to get my hopes up and be knocked back down again. A person can only get knocked down so many times before they don't get back up again. It's hard to keep your hopes up and stay positive. It's a lot of work, it takes a lot of energy and right now i just don't have it in me.
Maybe the next post!
I was looking forward to a decision and then we could stop making these visits to grand junction. The boys would be here with us, or they'd end up with those awful people and then we would have to just move on. Don't get me wrong, i enjoy the visits with the boys. They are wonderful boys, they make us laugh and we have a good time. But we spend hours getting there and we have no normal kind of weekend. The trips suck. Brian's back is killing him, being in the car for 12 hours a weekend is no fun, eating fast food and spending money we don't have; all of this for a four hour visit. It is not a relaxing weekend. Now, we are going to be doing this for another month or so.(nobody has actually given us a timeline about how much longer this is going to drag on)
This is something that needs to be resolved soon. We don't have a car to drive to the other side of the mountains if the weather starts getting bad. I also have no desire to drive over those mountains in snow! I get nervous driving in town with snow. Financially it is taking it's toll on us. I thank God we have my mom helping us, there is no way we could afford all these trips if it wasn't for her. She has been wonderful in helping us with money and letting us use her gas-efficient car. She has her own things going on right now and i am so thankful that she has seen beyond her own needs and been so generous to help brian and me.
I am feeling so negative but i just don't want to get my hopes up and be knocked back down again. A person can only get knocked down so many times before they don't get back up again. It's hard to keep your hopes up and stay positive. It's a lot of work, it takes a lot of energy and right now i just don't have it in me.
Maybe the next post!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
not so positive
I had a procedure done last week. I had an uterine oblation, it is where they freeze the inside of the uterus and when they are done there is the hope that there will be no more periods or at least lighter and shorter periods and it also means the uterus can never hold a fetus. I have chronic anemia and hope this will help, i am sick of dealing with this every time i go to the doctor (i am not very good at taking my iron). I also am sick of this monthly reminder that i will never have children. Why have a period if i don't have to.
The hardest part of the procedure was the pain, it was a very painful procedure for me and they did not put me under for this procedure. It was extremely painful and i don't know if i would of done it if i had known how painful it was going to be. I have so much pain associated with my reproductive organs, not only emotional but physical pain. I am truly sick of it! It seems never ending, these constant reminders of my inability to have children.
I am so sad, angry and frustrated. This is not an uplifting post, i have no words of hope right this minute.
I want a child of my own. I don't understand how this can be so hard for me and brian. It is frustrating to see so many people around me pregnant and adopting. I find myself wanting to stay in my house and away from all those reminders of what i don't have. I don't even want to go to the store, there are baby and little girl clothes everywhere. It just makes me sad. There are families, pregnant women and children everywhere!
This is a downer post, i am not feeling the hope right now. Maybe the next post. I write this for me, though. I need to get this out of me, i don't want to hold all this sadness, anger and frustration inside me.
It's just one of those days where i want to scream and cry for all my lost babies, my lil' love bug who is no longer with me and the babies i can never have!!
The hardest part of the procedure was the pain, it was a very painful procedure for me and they did not put me under for this procedure. It was extremely painful and i don't know if i would of done it if i had known how painful it was going to be. I have so much pain associated with my reproductive organs, not only emotional but physical pain. I am truly sick of it! It seems never ending, these constant reminders of my inability to have children.
I am so sad, angry and frustrated. This is not an uplifting post, i have no words of hope right this minute.
I want a child of my own. I don't understand how this can be so hard for me and brian. It is frustrating to see so many people around me pregnant and adopting. I find myself wanting to stay in my house and away from all those reminders of what i don't have. I don't even want to go to the store, there are baby and little girl clothes everywhere. It just makes me sad. There are families, pregnant women and children everywhere!
This is a downer post, i am not feeling the hope right now. Maybe the next post. I write this for me, though. I need to get this out of me, i don't want to hold all this sadness, anger and frustration inside me.
It's just one of those days where i want to scream and cry for all my lost babies, my lil' love bug who is no longer with me and the babies i can never have!!
Monday, August 23, 2010
What a day!
It was a wonderful day yesterday at the zoo, our lil' love bug had a great time. The zoo was always our favorite place to go as a family and i feel so lucky to have been able to spend the day with her at the zoo.
We picked her up early from her home and i talked to her mom while brian took our lil' love bug to the car. I just wanted to reassure her that we want what is best for our lil' love bug and we don't want to step on her toes as her parent. We want to make sure that she is okay with the visits. She said our lil' love bug had a hard time after the last visit and talked about us the whole time. She said she wants the visits to continue, she feels they are the best thing for our lil' love bug.
When we got back from the zoo, her mom said again that she wants the visits to continue and she actually said 'there needs to be more visits or no visits at all'. I am going to take that at face value! We had already set up a visit for wednesday the first but i am going to ask to see her every week and more if she allows it.
I really don't know how to take our lil' love bug's bio mom, she just seems to give mixed messages and i am trying not to overstep the boundaries. I was confused by the one time she just quit calling or letting us see her because she had such a hard time, maybe she realized how hard that was for our lil' love bug. She also mentioned something about our lil' love bug missing us and talking about us and the dogs all the time, how she still thinks she lives with us; talks about her room and bed. I also told her that our lil' love bug started calling brian and me, mommy and daddy again and if she was okay with that, if she wanted her to call us something else. She said that she was fine with that and that we were a part of her family. I just keep praying she will be able to make the right decision for our lil' love bug and let her come back home to us. This is still my prayer. I still believe the best place for our lil' love bug is with us and i hope that is what will happen soon.
We picked her up early from her home and i talked to her mom while brian took our lil' love bug to the car. I just wanted to reassure her that we want what is best for our lil' love bug and we don't want to step on her toes as her parent. We want to make sure that she is okay with the visits. She said our lil' love bug had a hard time after the last visit and talked about us the whole time. She said she wants the visits to continue, she feels they are the best thing for our lil' love bug.
When we got back from the zoo, her mom said again that she wants the visits to continue and she actually said 'there needs to be more visits or no visits at all'. I am going to take that at face value! We had already set up a visit for wednesday the first but i am going to ask to see her every week and more if she allows it.
I really don't know how to take our lil' love bug's bio mom, she just seems to give mixed messages and i am trying not to overstep the boundaries. I was confused by the one time she just quit calling or letting us see her because she had such a hard time, maybe she realized how hard that was for our lil' love bug. She also mentioned something about our lil' love bug missing us and talking about us and the dogs all the time, how she still thinks she lives with us; talks about her room and bed. I also told her that our lil' love bug started calling brian and me, mommy and daddy again and if she was okay with that, if she wanted her to call us something else. She said that she was fine with that and that we were a part of her family. I just keep praying she will be able to make the right decision for our lil' love bug and let her come back home to us. This is still my prayer. I still believe the best place for our lil' love bug is with us and i hope that is what will happen soon.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
this last weekend
We visited with the boys this last weekend. We went up with the intention of having a visit on both saturday and sunday but had been told that they may consider doing a saturday visit only. We were all so tired during the sunday visit last week. It is hard to spend four hours in a park or even the mall. The boys have recently started therapy, they still have visits with the bio parents, people are in and out of the home and they are doing the visits with us. It is a lot! So, we were not surprised when they asked if we wanted to just do a saturday visit. To be quite honest, we were relieved! It is hard to make those trips up there and still have the energy to keep the boys busy for four hours two days in a row.........in a park. grand junction is HOT!
We were surprised they allowed all three boys to do a four hour visit. Sounds like the foster parents were surprised by that also. We did not see the foster mom this time. She came for both the drop off and pick up but did not get out of the car. I am really frustrated with this lady! She is so rude, uncooperative and cannot seem to put the boys needs before her own. It really surprises me to see a foster parent act this way. It makes me question if she understands her role as a foster parent. I sure hope she can get over herself and help these boys to deal with the emotions and questions they have about the visits.
We took the boys to the pool and they played in the splash park area. The youngest does not seem to like the water much. He cried for about the first 20 minutes, he was not interested in anything we were doing. The other two love the water and had a great time playing and eventually we were able to calm down the youngest and get him to put his hands and feet in the water. He was having a good time but then the water came up and sprayed him right in the face! He was done after that. We stayed at the pool for about and hour and half. We then took the boys out for dinner at texas roadhouse. It went really well. They have great manners and all three have wonderful appetites. The youngest of course wanted to touch everything. We went back to the park and took a walk till the foster family came to pick them up.
The caseworker told us that the foster family was thinking of getting a lawyer. We will see what will happen if they decide to get one. From what we were told, i don't think it will make a difference in the decision the judge makes, it will just drag the process out. Which will really suck! I am expecting a decision to be made on september 3rd, i will be very disappointed if we have to wait another month or so.
We don't have a visit this coming weekend, brian has to do his cpr on saturday. We won't see the boys again till the weekend of the 28th.
We were surprised they allowed all three boys to do a four hour visit. Sounds like the foster parents were surprised by that also. We did not see the foster mom this time. She came for both the drop off and pick up but did not get out of the car. I am really frustrated with this lady! She is so rude, uncooperative and cannot seem to put the boys needs before her own. It really surprises me to see a foster parent act this way. It makes me question if she understands her role as a foster parent. I sure hope she can get over herself and help these boys to deal with the emotions and questions they have about the visits.
We took the boys to the pool and they played in the splash park area. The youngest does not seem to like the water much. He cried for about the first 20 minutes, he was not interested in anything we were doing. The other two love the water and had a great time playing and eventually we were able to calm down the youngest and get him to put his hands and feet in the water. He was having a good time but then the water came up and sprayed him right in the face! He was done after that. We stayed at the pool for about and hour and half. We then took the boys out for dinner at texas roadhouse. It went really well. They have great manners and all three have wonderful appetites. The youngest of course wanted to touch everything. We went back to the park and took a walk till the foster family came to pick them up.
The caseworker told us that the foster family was thinking of getting a lawyer. We will see what will happen if they decide to get one. From what we were told, i don't think it will make a difference in the decision the judge makes, it will just drag the process out. Which will really suck! I am expecting a decision to be made on september 3rd, i will be very disappointed if we have to wait another month or so.
We don't have a visit this coming weekend, brian has to do his cpr on saturday. We won't see the boys again till the weekend of the 28th.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
A letter to my lil' love bug
My lil' love bug,
I am so happy for you on this your third birthday! You have grown so much, not only physically but in your heart and spirit. I remember you on your second birthday last year, so small and not sure what to do. So many friends and family came to your party to help you celebrate.......know that they all love you and miss spending this special day with you. You are a lovely girl who has been through so much in this last year, too much for a two year old just trying to grow up into a fun little three year old. You have experienced so much joy this last year as well as sadness, I hope you will carry the joy in your heart, remember the sadness but let it go and don't hold on to it. You are a stong girl with a huge heart. Always carry love in your heart, it will make your spirit kind, giving and full of joy. I have so many dreams for you this next year, I want you to be happy and safe with your family, I want your love to grow for them and their love for you to fill their hearts and their whole beings. This is the love I have for you. I hope you, me and daddy brian can have a relationship, I dream we will be together, even if it is as 'best friends'. I want you to continue to grow, learn and be amazing!
You are an amazing little girl, you are smart, funny, you make me laugh, you are special, caring, loving, and beautiful. I can never express to you how incredible you are. You can do anything and you are going to grow up amazing! I am so excited for your future, it is bright! Your dreams mean everything to me, I will do everything in my power to help make your dreams come true. You are still my little girl and you will always be my little girl.
I want you to know that you are the love of my mothering heart, I will love and miss you every minute I am alive. You are forever in my soul and a part of me, and one day you will get to read this and know I have always loved you.
I love you with ALL my heart forever and ever. You're my baby girl.
Love your Mommy Lisa
I am so happy for you on this your third birthday! You have grown so much, not only physically but in your heart and spirit. I remember you on your second birthday last year, so small and not sure what to do. So many friends and family came to your party to help you celebrate.......know that they all love you and miss spending this special day with you. You are a lovely girl who has been through so much in this last year, too much for a two year old just trying to grow up into a fun little three year old. You have experienced so much joy this last year as well as sadness, I hope you will carry the joy in your heart, remember the sadness but let it go and don't hold on to it. You are a stong girl with a huge heart. Always carry love in your heart, it will make your spirit kind, giving and full of joy. I have so many dreams for you this next year, I want you to be happy and safe with your family, I want your love to grow for them and their love for you to fill their hearts and their whole beings. This is the love I have for you. I hope you, me and daddy brian can have a relationship, I dream we will be together, even if it is as 'best friends'. I want you to continue to grow, learn and be amazing!
You are an amazing little girl, you are smart, funny, you make me laugh, you are special, caring, loving, and beautiful. I can never express to you how incredible you are. You can do anything and you are going to grow up amazing! I am so excited for your future, it is bright! Your dreams mean everything to me, I will do everything in my power to help make your dreams come true. You are still my little girl and you will always be my little girl.
I want you to know that you are the love of my mothering heart, I will love and miss you every minute I am alive. You are forever in my soul and a part of me, and one day you will get to read this and know I have always loved you.
I love you with ALL my heart forever and ever. You're my baby girl.
Love your Mommy Lisa
Friday, August 13, 2010
that was hard
We went to see our lil' love bug last night at her home. It was wonderful to see her and she was so excited, i could hear her screaming as we walked up to the house, 'my friends are here, my friends are here!' She was happy to see us and we spent about two hours at her house visiting with her, her mom and her little sister.
Mom expressed some concern because our lil' love bug had such a hard time after the last visit. She cried, was mad at her mom and the boyfriend said he felt she was distant with him for a few days. I can definitely understand her being cautious with the visits but we also agreed that if the visits are more consistent and our lil' love bug understands that the visits are regular occurrences, then that would make it easier for her. She is having such a hard time because she doesn't know when she is going to see us again. Especially because after this last visit we all told our lil' love bug that she was going to see us again soon. We reassured her not to worry and she could come spend time with us here at our house, come see the dogs. Then mom didn't follow through. She was an emotional mess when we left her house last night. She kept begging to go with us, said she wanted to go to our car and we kept having to tell her that she had to stay with her mommy and we would see her again soon. I can totally understand why she wouldn't believe us though. We told her that last time and then we weren't able to see her for almost two months. She doesn't believe we will be back to see her soon. She clung to Brian's leg, started crying and wouldn't let us leave. It was awful, it took all we had not to break down right there. She was so sad. We all agreed she could call us before she went to bed last night and then it never happened! It makes me so angry that her mom just doesn't seem to get it. She knows exactly what to say but she has absolutely no follow through.
I hope that for our lil' love bug's sake her mom will let her come spend time with us on a regular basis and we can come up with a schedule. She said we could stop by anytime and see our lil' love bug. We are going to take her to the zoo next sunday, i am very excited about that and thankful we have a date set for us to see her again. In the future i want to be sure that we never leave a visit with her without having another visit scheduled. Leaving her last night was so hard, i was so sad and we just broke down in the car. I can still see her clinging to brian's leg and crying. I don't want her to go through this every time we see her. It was too hard on all of us, i just pray that consistency will help her to realize that she can see us, have a good time, be a part of our life and still go home and enjoy her family and home.
Mom expressed some concern because our lil' love bug had such a hard time after the last visit. She cried, was mad at her mom and the boyfriend said he felt she was distant with him for a few days. I can definitely understand her being cautious with the visits but we also agreed that if the visits are more consistent and our lil' love bug understands that the visits are regular occurrences, then that would make it easier for her. She is having such a hard time because she doesn't know when she is going to see us again. Especially because after this last visit we all told our lil' love bug that she was going to see us again soon. We reassured her not to worry and she could come spend time with us here at our house, come see the dogs. Then mom didn't follow through. She was an emotional mess when we left her house last night. She kept begging to go with us, said she wanted to go to our car and we kept having to tell her that she had to stay with her mommy and we would see her again soon. I can totally understand why she wouldn't believe us though. We told her that last time and then we weren't able to see her for almost two months. She doesn't believe we will be back to see her soon. She clung to Brian's leg, started crying and wouldn't let us leave. It was awful, it took all we had not to break down right there. She was so sad. We all agreed she could call us before she went to bed last night and then it never happened! It makes me so angry that her mom just doesn't seem to get it. She knows exactly what to say but she has absolutely no follow through.
I hope that for our lil' love bug's sake her mom will let her come spend time with us on a regular basis and we can come up with a schedule. She said we could stop by anytime and see our lil' love bug. We are going to take her to the zoo next sunday, i am very excited about that and thankful we have a date set for us to see her again. In the future i want to be sure that we never leave a visit with her without having another visit scheduled. Leaving her last night was so hard, i was so sad and we just broke down in the car. I can still see her clinging to brian's leg and crying. I don't want her to go through this every time we see her. It was too hard on all of us, i just pray that consistency will help her to realize that she can see us, have a good time, be a part of our life and still go home and enjoy her family and home.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
3 candles
Our lil' love bug is turning three on saturday. I am incredibly sad that i will miss spending the day with her. I remember how much fun i had planning her second birthday party. Making the invitations, buying the gifts and choosing a fun theme. I am sad that she is getting a cheesy birthday party at chucke cheese, she is only going to be three and what a boring and easy way to throw a party. I am of course being very catty and judgemental but i think i have the right. She was in my home, she is greatly missed and i know what she likes. I also know she deserves the best and i don't think a three year old wants a chucke cheese birthday party, maybe if she was around 9, it would be fun. The whole day should be about her, a party at a park with friends, family and everyone focusing on just her! That's what she deserves.
I have had a rough week. I know it's because her birthday is saturday. I have cried everyday this week. I miss her so much. I cannot believe that we are going to miss her birthday. I am so upset she is going to turn three years old and i am not there to celebrate her big day with her. I miss her so much and i miss the fact that we are not the ones getting to throw her a party.
I hope she enjoys her wonderful day. She is so amazing and i can't believe she is going to be three years old. She is getting so big and we are missing watching her grow. She is in my heart and i pray that she has a grand time!
I have had a rough week. I know it's because her birthday is saturday. I have cried everyday this week. I miss her so much. I cannot believe that we are going to miss her birthday. I am so upset she is going to turn three years old and i am not there to celebrate her big day with her. I miss her so much and i miss the fact that we are not the ones getting to throw her a party.
I hope she enjoys her wonderful day. She is so amazing and i can't believe she is going to be three years old. She is getting so big and we are missing watching her grow. She is in my heart and i pray that she has a grand time!
Monday, August 9, 2010
Just a show?
So we had two great visits this last weekend. However, i am discouraged that they are only letting the youngest stay for two hours. I can understand it, four hours is a long time, especially because he normally lays down at about noon and the visits are lasting till about one. Four hours is a long time for the other two boys as well, especially because we are hanging out at a park or the mall. It is not the best situation. What is discouraging is that the foster mom is claiming that the youngest is not wanting to sleep in his bed for nap time, crying more and won't go to children's church. I hope she is not exaggerating what she is seeing or just plain making things up. We had one four hour visit and they already changed from four to two hours and at first they didn't want to let the youngest attend the 2nd visit. They were only going to give us 2 hours with the youngest for the whole weekend! How is he going to get to know us in a month if they only allow 2 hours a weekend. Luckily we were able to have him for 2 hours each day. He is doing great with us. The first day he cried for about 10 minutes off and on and the second day he clung to the foster mom but only cried for about 15 seconds and was done crying! At pickup time, he saw the foster mom but continued to play, this happened both days. The other two boys ran over and gave her a hug and then continued to play. Also at the end of the first visit the foster mom was standing there when the youngest got his hand stepped on by another child. He looked real sad and was holding his hand like it hurt. I expected him to run over to the foster mom and have her comfort him but he walked over to brian and showed him his hand and let brian comfort him. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, that says something to me. Unfortunately the caseworker was not there to see this and we definitely let her know what happened but we'll see what comes of it.
I have this awful feeling that they are just letting us have these visits so they can go to court and say that they tried. No one is staying to see how the visits are going or to see the interaction between all of us. There is a caseworker there for the pickup and drop off and that is it. I don't have much confidence in this caseworker. I have the feeling they are letting her do all the observations because she really doesn't have much say. The main caseworker is not there at all. Saturday we were at the mall for our visit, we were leaving and the caseworker who came to watch the pickup said 'oh, lets go say hi to the main caseworker, she's here getting her hair cut.' She was there at the mall and didn't even make an effort to come by and observe even a few minutes! I am feeling frustrated and hope we are not making these visits just to fulfill the states requirement to prove they tried all other alternatives but the best place for these kids is with the foster family.
We have made five visits to grand junction so far and have at least three more to make. This is time consuming, expensive, stressful and it's all starting to take its toll on our bodies. Brian is having problems with his sciatic nerve, twisted his ankle this last weekend and his numbers (diabetes) are a little high right now. He is going to the doctor again today to see how his doctor thinks he's doing. My lower back, shoulders and neck are killing me. I have headaches more often and ten or more hours in the car every weekend is just getting to me. We don't have any type of weekend and this is getting to feel more like work than a fun time. This weekend was a rough one and i sure hope it gets better this next weekend. We have so much fun when we are with the boys but the amount time it takes to get there is sure frustrating to me right now.
I have this awful feeling that they are just letting us have these visits so they can go to court and say that they tried. No one is staying to see how the visits are going or to see the interaction between all of us. There is a caseworker there for the pickup and drop off and that is it. I don't have much confidence in this caseworker. I have the feeling they are letting her do all the observations because she really doesn't have much say. The main caseworker is not there at all. Saturday we were at the mall for our visit, we were leaving and the caseworker who came to watch the pickup said 'oh, lets go say hi to the main caseworker, she's here getting her hair cut.' She was there at the mall and didn't even make an effort to come by and observe even a few minutes! I am feeling frustrated and hope we are not making these visits just to fulfill the states requirement to prove they tried all other alternatives but the best place for these kids is with the foster family.
We have made five visits to grand junction so far and have at least three more to make. This is time consuming, expensive, stressful and it's all starting to take its toll on our bodies. Brian is having problems with his sciatic nerve, twisted his ankle this last weekend and his numbers (diabetes) are a little high right now. He is going to the doctor again today to see how his doctor thinks he's doing. My lower back, shoulders and neck are killing me. I have headaches more often and ten or more hours in the car every weekend is just getting to me. We don't have any type of weekend and this is getting to feel more like work than a fun time. This weekend was a rough one and i sure hope it gets better this next weekend. We have so much fun when we are with the boys but the amount time it takes to get there is sure frustrating to me right now.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
some personality
So we had a great visit with the boys. We started out at mcdonalds on saturday and then we went to the mall. The youngest one had a hard time saying goodbye and cried for on and off for about 10 minutes after the foster mom left. He calmed down once we decided to leave mcdonalds and we walked over to the mall. The caseworker and foster mom decided that the youngest is only going to stay for 2 hours at the visits because he had such a hard time at home after the last visit. She claims he is clinging to her more than usual, crying and refuses to go to children's church now. The visit went great, anyway. It is great to see their personalities coming out and we will definitely have our hands full with these 3 boys! The oldest is all about getting attention. If his brothers are getting attention doing something, well then he is going to do the same thing! He is all about his brothers too. He likes to have them near him and playing with him. He requires a lot of communication and likes a lot of praise. The middle boy is very funny! He doesn't have many words and needs some serious speech therapy. He can get his point across really well though. He makes silly faces, silly noises and likes to see us laugh. He likes to be on stage and he likes us to laugh at what he's doing.He is very kind and has a big heart. We haven't spent a lot of time with the youngest but his personality is coming out as well. He likes to make us laugh also but he is more of a jokester. He likes to tease and make us laugh by interacting with us. He is adorable. They are all 3 super cute and we had a great time with them. Today we spent our time at a park. It was fun but I think all of us were a little tired. It is hard to spend that much time at one place. I have a lot more to say but will save some for tomorrow. I am tired tonight and just want to go to bed.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
about to start
Sitting here waiting for the boys. I am excited to see them, we are meeting them here at mcdonalds and then heading to the mall. I enjoy the time we spend with them and i am excited to see how this second meeting will go, a lot of times kids will have a harder time at the second visit because now they know what is going on. The first one is new and most don't realize that they will be left for hours, now that they know they will be spending hours with us, without the foster family, it will be interesting to see how they do. However, it is mcdonalds and that is exciting for almost any kid!
I am not enjoying having to make these drives! My back, shoulders and neck are starting to hurt because of these LONG drives. We are staying with brian's brother, getting a room every weekend would be way to expensive. We are spending enough money as it is! I am not enjoying the air mattress either! Let's hope this is not all in vain. A few more weekends and we'll see what will happen next.
They should be here any minute! I'll post later!
I am not enjoying having to make these drives! My back, shoulders and neck are starting to hurt because of these LONG drives. We are staying with brian's brother, getting a room every weekend would be way to expensive. We are spending enough money as it is! I am not enjoying the air mattress either! Let's hope this is not all in vain. A few more weekends and we'll see what will happen next.
They should be here any minute! I'll post later!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
minimum parenting
What is minimum parenting? Believe me, it doesn't require a lot to do minimum parenting! That is all social services requires from the biological parents. My mom saw our lil' love bug at the mall on monday afternoon. She was with her mom, sister and mom's boyfriend, she was walking through the parking lot with NO shoes! I could just scream, my mom said she looked like she hadn't bathed either. I am so sick of the idea that all these biological parents have to do is basic parenting. Their house is dirty, she doesn't keep her kids clean, she doesn't have to schedule visits, return calls and keep therapy appointments for our lil' love bug. I am so sad for our lil' love bug, she is used to being clean, dressed nicely and she LOVED her shoes when she lived with us. We'd be in the store and when she saw the shoe section she got so excited! It's not like she doesn't have shoes, i bought her shoes the last time we sent her clothes. What is wrong with these parents, would she walk barefoot through the mall or parking lot? I am angry and disgusted with her right now. My mom did say that our lil' love bug seemed happy, gave her a hug and had no problem going with her mom. I just pray every minute of the day that my lil' love bug is safe and happy.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
still frustrated
I am so frustrated with our lil' love bugs mom right now. She still hasn't called or e-mailed me to let me know what she expects as far as visits or future contact go with our lil' love bug. I am sure i am expecting too much from her, i mean she obviously isn't mature and has problems raising her children. She hasn't changed that much in 2 years. Her caseworker keeps making excuses for her and thinks its no big deal that she doesn't return calls or follow through. She doesn't even return the caseworkers calls and the caseworker has to stop by the house and hope she finds her at home in order to check in and see how things are going. I understand that she doesn't have to call me, she doesn't have to let our lil' love bug visit us or have any kind of contact with us. I would be devastated if that is what she decided but i'd really like for her to call and let us know one way or the other. I am sick of waiting around for her to call me. The last time we talked to her she said she wanted the visits to continue and the caseworker talked to her a little over a week ago and she again said she wanted to continue with the visits. I just wish she'd call and set something up, even if it's a month down the road at least we'd have a date.
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