The middle child, turtle likes to chew on his blanket, toys, his stuffed animals and when he wears long sleeves he likes to chew on those. It's really kinda gross! I go to pick up a toy or wash his hands and i touch something wet and full of germs, yuck!
I started giving him a teether out of the freezer. They work wonderful, i haven't seen him chewing on anything and his sleeves are dry! Woohoo. The teethers we have are super durable which is great because he has a full set of teeth and he is chewing on them all day long. I am happy that i have found a solution instead of spending my day constantly reminding him to take things out of his mouth, rolling up his sleeves and cleaning toys. One more problem solved, i am feeling accomplished........bring it on!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
i'm typing, i'm editing, i'm spell checking, i'm posting.........
The oldest, gee is a talker! I cannot tell you how much this boy talks! It's no wonder the other two don't talk, they can't get a word in.lol It is funny and interesting at first but it has seriously started to wear on my nerves.
I will use a trip to the bathroom as an example: 'Lisa, i need to go potty' (okay) 'i'm going to go potty and shut the door' (okay) 'Lisa, i went potty' (okay) 'I dried my hands' (okay) 'I shut the door' (okay) This wouldn't be so bad but it is EVERY single time he uses the restroom and he must have a response after EVERY sentence or he repeats the sentence until i respond. And it is not only potty time. He is the slowest eater because he does the same thing throughout the meal.
He asks what every thing is every time he takes a bite and he must have a response or once again he repeats the question till he gets an answer.
I have learned a new trick. I just repeat everything he says back to him in the form of a question. Most of the questions he asks, he already knows the answer and most of his statements are just some form of commentary. This makes him answer his own question, he gets a response from me and it makes it much easier for me to handle! It's wonderful:)
I am not sure why this is so much easier for me or why it seems to have cut down on the questions and statements but it has and that makes me happy and not only does it make me happy but it satisfies gee's need for attention!
I will use a trip to the bathroom as an example: 'Lisa, i need to go potty' (okay) 'i'm going to go potty and shut the door' (okay) 'Lisa, i went potty' (okay) 'I dried my hands' (okay) 'I shut the door' (okay) This wouldn't be so bad but it is EVERY single time he uses the restroom and he must have a response after EVERY sentence or he repeats the sentence until i respond. And it is not only potty time. He is the slowest eater because he does the same thing throughout the meal.
He asks what every thing is every time he takes a bite and he must have a response or once again he repeats the question till he gets an answer.
I have learned a new trick. I just repeat everything he says back to him in the form of a question. Most of the questions he asks, he already knows the answer and most of his statements are just some form of commentary. This makes him answer his own question, he gets a response from me and it makes it much easier for me to handle! It's wonderful:)
I am not sure why this is so much easier for me or why it seems to have cut down on the questions and statements but it has and that makes me happy and not only does it make me happy but it satisfies gee's need for attention!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
future contact
It is hard to decide what kind of contact is allowable and acceptable for the bio-parents to have with their children. The children need to have that contact but they also need to feel secure and safe in your home and with you. You want them to know that their parents love them, which is always the case but that their parents just couldn't take care of them. (whatever the reason) It is definitely a decision that needs to be made on a case by case basis. These children come from very different situations and you have to be comfortable with the parents enough to trust that they will not hurt the child during any future contact. It is a huge responsibility and decision to make. There is all kinds of contact and the contact you decide to make available to the parents may not be what they were expecting or wanting. Phone calls, letters, packages or visits; whether they are weekly, monthly, holidays or maybe once a year, these are the decisions that need to be made. Not only do you have to make the best decision for your kids (who are your family now) you have caseworkers, friends, family and bio family telling you what is the best thing. Why do people feel they have a say, they would never offer advice so willingly if these were our biological children. It is disrespectful and frustrating. Heaven forbid, you have grandparents, aunts or uncles come forward and want to have contact with these children! It takes a lot of patience, love and understanding to deal with so many people feeling they have a claim to your children. There is a lot of guilt when you finally make your decision and you hope that you can work through it and stick to your decision, not just for yourself but for your children.
It has to be the best thing for your family and you hope that family, friends and caseworkers will respect your decision and keep their opinions to themselves. It is your family. Sometimes it is even hard for us to to be confident with our decisions and to realize that these kids will be our family and our responsibility and we get to make those decisions. We have spent so many months getting permission to cut their hair, take them on vacation, reporting when we give them medicine, when they get hurt. It is hard to get out of the mindset that these children belong to someone else.
One day these children will be ours and we will get to make the decisions and we will no longer have to report to someone else. I pray that when that day comes, we will make the best decisions for our family and we will not have the guilt.
It has to be the best thing for your family and you hope that family, friends and caseworkers will respect your decision and keep their opinions to themselves. It is your family. Sometimes it is even hard for us to to be confident with our decisions and to realize that these kids will be our family and our responsibility and we get to make those decisions. We have spent so many months getting permission to cut their hair, take them on vacation, reporting when we give them medicine, when they get hurt. It is hard to get out of the mindset that these children belong to someone else.
One day these children will be ours and we will get to make the decisions and we will no longer have to report to someone else. I pray that when that day comes, we will make the best decisions for our family and we will not have the guilt.
Monday, October 18, 2010
surprise visit
Our lil' love bug's mom called us thursday evening and asked if we could help her out by taking our lil' love bug for the night. Boyfriend was getting a vasectomy done and she thought it would be easier if our lil' love bug spent the night with us. I told her we would be more than happy to help her out and take our love bug for the night but that we would still like to have her on saturday for our scheduled visit and she said of course, no problem. So brian rushed out of the house and picked her up about 6 on thursday evening. We were so excited! She was so excited!
Our friends lent us a toddler bed (thanks cheri' and paul!) and we squeezed it into our bedroom. She was so happy to have a bed "thank-you mommy, thank-you so much". And we were thankful to have friends who would drop everything and bring over the bed in just a couple of hours.
It was wonderful having her for the evening and she just settled right in. She did great, however she did cry at bedtime and nap time. I was concerned that she was having a hard time being at our home and asked her if she was okay - yes, are you sad - no, do you miss mommy jessica - no, are you scared - yes. I finally figured out she wanted the light left on! Poor baby. I am sure she is not on any kind of a bedtime, nap or even a mealtime schedule. It has got to be so scary for her and hard for her to feel secure and safe when she doesn't know what to expect next in her home and then she comes to my home and we have a schedule for our whole day.
We were planning on taking her home on friday evening. Her mom called and i could tell she wanted us to keep her another night. She kept talking about how they are staying at the boyfriend's parents house and how she had to drive into boulder to get our lil' love bug and then she would have to drive back into town so we could pick her up saturday morning. I asked if she wanted us to keep her another night and she said 'that would be great, i was wondering if you would want to do that' I said 'of course, anything to make it easier for you'. So we got to keep our lil' love bug for another night and we took her home saturday evening!
We had a wonderful time with her and she had so much fun. It was interesting to see her for a longer period of time, i could see a lot more of her personality. She is a little helper, getting me diapers and wipes for the boys. She must not have many rules or boundaries at home, which i have suspected and i've seen during my short visits to her home. I had to repeat myself a lot when i asked her to do something like sit down and wait or go play in the room, simple directions that she chose to ignore. She is still very silly and likes to make us laugh. She is loving, shy and i can see she still has some insecurities and is scared around large crowds of people and a lot of noise.
I am expecting that we will get a call from her mom on the day she goes into labor and hopefully we will get her for a few days then too. I am thankful that she calls and trust us to take care of our lil love bug and hope that she will continue to call us and trust us. It really surprises me that she is so willing to let her come and spend that much time with us. I would miss her so much. It amazes me but i am thankful.
Our friends lent us a toddler bed (thanks cheri' and paul!) and we squeezed it into our bedroom. She was so happy to have a bed "thank-you mommy, thank-you so much". And we were thankful to have friends who would drop everything and bring over the bed in just a couple of hours.
It was wonderful having her for the evening and she just settled right in. She did great, however she did cry at bedtime and nap time. I was concerned that she was having a hard time being at our home and asked her if she was okay - yes, are you sad - no, do you miss mommy jessica - no, are you scared - yes. I finally figured out she wanted the light left on! Poor baby. I am sure she is not on any kind of a bedtime, nap or even a mealtime schedule. It has got to be so scary for her and hard for her to feel secure and safe when she doesn't know what to expect next in her home and then she comes to my home and we have a schedule for our whole day.
We were planning on taking her home on friday evening. Her mom called and i could tell she wanted us to keep her another night. She kept talking about how they are staying at the boyfriend's parents house and how she had to drive into boulder to get our lil' love bug and then she would have to drive back into town so we could pick her up saturday morning. I asked if she wanted us to keep her another night and she said 'that would be great, i was wondering if you would want to do that' I said 'of course, anything to make it easier for you'. So we got to keep our lil' love bug for another night and we took her home saturday evening!
We had a wonderful time with her and she had so much fun. It was interesting to see her for a longer period of time, i could see a lot more of her personality. She is a little helper, getting me diapers and wipes for the boys. She must not have many rules or boundaries at home, which i have suspected and i've seen during my short visits to her home. I had to repeat myself a lot when i asked her to do something like sit down and wait or go play in the room, simple directions that she chose to ignore. She is still very silly and likes to make us laugh. She is loving, shy and i can see she still has some insecurities and is scared around large crowds of people and a lot of noise.
I am expecting that we will get a call from her mom on the day she goes into labor and hopefully we will get her for a few days then too. I am thankful that she calls and trust us to take care of our lil love bug and hope that she will continue to call us and trust us. It really surprises me that she is so willing to let her come and spend that much time with us. I would miss her so much. It amazes me but i am thankful.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
building the parental bond
If you have had the privilege and the ability to take care of foster children, then you know that just because these children are placed in your home, doesn't mean you have an instant parental bond and love with them. It takes time and a lot of work. It is what i am trying to remind myself. I have so much love for our lil' love bug and i feel this guilt when i think about the way i feel towards the boys. I love the boys and i am so happy they are in my home, but that parental love and bond isn't there yet. I remind myself that it will take time, it didn't come to me immediately with our lil' love bug either.
When you think about it, a mother is pregnant for 9 months, the parents have this time to get used to the idea of having a new one in the house, they get to bond with the baby and prepare for the coming of this child. They buy clothes, diapers, get the nursery ready, they can talk and sing to the baby, they eat for the baby and take care of each other.......all of this in preparation for this child that will take 9 months to grow and eventually enter the world. Then these babies are born and are totally dependent on you and this just reinforces that bond between the baby and parents. They sleep a lot and their needs are minimal......feed me, change me, hold me, help me sleep and love me. It gives the parents and baby the opportunity to grow together. You learn your child's likes and dislikes, what their cries mean and how to help them when they need you. It has got to be a wonderful experience, to grow with your child like that, to get to know each other so intensely and intimately.
Doing foster care, you don't get the ability to 'grow into' being a parent. You get a call and the child is in your home hours later. Even in our case with the boys, we did not know we were going to get the boys till court and there we were picking them up 2 hours later and bringing them home. There you go......instant family of 3!
The reality is that if you do foster care, you don't know who you are going to get. You can request a certain age or sex but chances are you will get calls for a wide range of ages and either gender. We learned this when we got our first placement, our lil' love bug. I had her room decorated for a baby, we had asked for a child 1 or younger. She was 14 months old and many of the toys i had stocked up on were for a baby. She was not interested or was too big to fit in them. I had a swing, an excersaucer and rattles! She was way beyond all of that! Not to mention the fact that we planned on fostering 1 child and here we are with 3, you never know where this foster care roller coaster is going to take you!
These children come to you with their likes and dislikes and it is a puzzle you as the parent spend the next year (if you actually get to keep them in your home for that long) trying to figure out. You have to learn what foods they like or don't like, heaven forbid you make a whole meal and they gag on all of it! Are they afraid of the dark? Do they like their bedroom door open? Nightmares? How long do they sleep? What time are they used to going to bed? wake up? Do they sleep with a special animal, in a twin bed, toddler bed, crib? Those are just some of the bedtime questions!
It is overwhelming at first, and it takes time to figure these things out. It takes time to build that bond between you and them, you learn these things as you go. You do get to grow together but it is definitely a different experience and it is a much rougher road to walk. You try to get it right and you try to love them like your own, but it feels more like doing day care for awhile. The parental love will come with time, it just might take the nine months or so.
And don't forget you are trying to build this bond with these children after they have been through a traumatic experience and have already been let down by their parents. There is already a mistrust of adults so not only are you trying to build a loving bond but trying to build it while helping them build themselves back up and through their trauma.
We are at the beginning of this process, it will take time and a lot of work not only from us but from the boys.
When you think about it, a mother is pregnant for 9 months, the parents have this time to get used to the idea of having a new one in the house, they get to bond with the baby and prepare for the coming of this child. They buy clothes, diapers, get the nursery ready, they can talk and sing to the baby, they eat for the baby and take care of each other.......all of this in preparation for this child that will take 9 months to grow and eventually enter the world. Then these babies are born and are totally dependent on you and this just reinforces that bond between the baby and parents. They sleep a lot and their needs are minimal......feed me, change me, hold me, help me sleep and love me. It gives the parents and baby the opportunity to grow together. You learn your child's likes and dislikes, what their cries mean and how to help them when they need you. It has got to be a wonderful experience, to grow with your child like that, to get to know each other so intensely and intimately.
Doing foster care, you don't get the ability to 'grow into' being a parent. You get a call and the child is in your home hours later. Even in our case with the boys, we did not know we were going to get the boys till court and there we were picking them up 2 hours later and bringing them home. There you go......instant family of 3!
The reality is that if you do foster care, you don't know who you are going to get. You can request a certain age or sex but chances are you will get calls for a wide range of ages and either gender. We learned this when we got our first placement, our lil' love bug. I had her room decorated for a baby, we had asked for a child 1 or younger. She was 14 months old and many of the toys i had stocked up on were for a baby. She was not interested or was too big to fit in them. I had a swing, an excersaucer and rattles! She was way beyond all of that! Not to mention the fact that we planned on fostering 1 child and here we are with 3, you never know where this foster care roller coaster is going to take you!
These children come to you with their likes and dislikes and it is a puzzle you as the parent spend the next year (if you actually get to keep them in your home for that long) trying to figure out. You have to learn what foods they like or don't like, heaven forbid you make a whole meal and they gag on all of it! Are they afraid of the dark? Do they like their bedroom door open? Nightmares? How long do they sleep? What time are they used to going to bed? wake up? Do they sleep with a special animal, in a twin bed, toddler bed, crib? Those are just some of the bedtime questions!
It is overwhelming at first, and it takes time to figure these things out. It takes time to build that bond between you and them, you learn these things as you go. You do get to grow together but it is definitely a different experience and it is a much rougher road to walk. You try to get it right and you try to love them like your own, but it feels more like doing day care for awhile. The parental love will come with time, it just might take the nine months or so.
And don't forget you are trying to build this bond with these children after they have been through a traumatic experience and have already been let down by their parents. There is already a mistrust of adults so not only are you trying to build a loving bond but trying to build it while helping them build themselves back up and through their trauma.
We are at the beginning of this process, it will take time and a lot of work not only from us but from the boys.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
I'm tired.....
Trying to find the motivation to keep the boys active, happy and learning new things. I am exhausted right now and they do such a great job at keeping each other busy and playing together. I realize my need to interact and involve myself in their play but i am having some medical problems right now and hope that i can get it resolved soon so i can get back to feeling 'normal'. My blood level is real low again (average is 14, i am at 8.7) My doctor would normally request a blood transfusion but since i have chronic anemia and my body is used to running low, she let me have the option of going to the blood specialist and seeing what he can do for me first, last time i got an iron infusion.
Some of the symptoms of iron deficiency anemia:
*Weakness, fatigue, or lack of stamina
*Shortness of breath during exercise
*Headache
*Difficulty concentrating
*Irritability
*Dizziness
*Pale skin
*Craving substances that are not food (pica). In particular, a craving for ice
*Rapid heartbeat
*Brittle fingernails and toenails
*Cracked lips
*Muscle pain during exercise
Okay, so i have about 9 out 12 of these symptoms. I already mentioned my lack of stamina right now. I definitely have shortness of breath! I have been waking up with headaches every day. I have had such a hard time writing my blog lately because i just can't sit and concentrate long enough to write (this is taking me close to 2 hours to write!) I can't tell if it is the stress of having 3 new family members in our home or the lack of blood that is making me so irritable. I have had a few dizzy spells, i try not to stand up too quickly. I am buying a bag of ice from sonic every week! It is awful, i chew so much my teeth sometimes hurt. My nails look like crap, and i get muscle cramps just sitting.
I feel so awful that the boys are not getting the 'real' me. I find that i am cranky and little things annoy me, things that wouldn't normally bother me. I want to play games with them, paint and break out the sensory stuff but i feel so damn tired all the time, i use the energy i do have to make sure they are clean, well fed and we don't live in a pig sty. It takes all i have to get out of bed in the morning, i just want to lay there all day. I can't, i'm a mom once again and mom's don't have the luxury of laying in bed and taking a day off.
I pray i will get this resolved in the next couple of weeks, i want to be the best mom i can be and right now i am not happy with the job i am doing.
Some of the symptoms of iron deficiency anemia:
*Weakness, fatigue, or lack of stamina
*Shortness of breath during exercise
*Headache
*Difficulty concentrating
*Irritability
*Dizziness
*Pale skin
*Craving substances that are not food (pica). In particular, a craving for ice
*Rapid heartbeat
*Brittle fingernails and toenails
*Cracked lips
*Muscle pain during exercise
Okay, so i have about 9 out 12 of these symptoms. I already mentioned my lack of stamina right now. I definitely have shortness of breath! I have been waking up with headaches every day. I have had such a hard time writing my blog lately because i just can't sit and concentrate long enough to write (this is taking me close to 2 hours to write!) I can't tell if it is the stress of having 3 new family members in our home or the lack of blood that is making me so irritable. I have had a few dizzy spells, i try not to stand up too quickly. I am buying a bag of ice from sonic every week! It is awful, i chew so much my teeth sometimes hurt. My nails look like crap, and i get muscle cramps just sitting.
I feel so awful that the boys are not getting the 'real' me. I find that i am cranky and little things annoy me, things that wouldn't normally bother me. I want to play games with them, paint and break out the sensory stuff but i feel so damn tired all the time, i use the energy i do have to make sure they are clean, well fed and we don't live in a pig sty. It takes all i have to get out of bed in the morning, i just want to lay there all day. I can't, i'm a mom once again and mom's don't have the luxury of laying in bed and taking a day off.
I pray i will get this resolved in the next couple of weeks, i want to be the best mom i can be and right now i am not happy with the job i am doing.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
a little about banana
We don't really call the youngest banana but i LOVE the way he says banana so for my blog i will call him banana.
Banana has a lot of attachment issues and i can see that he will need the most work in getting him to feel comfortable here in our home. I don't know a lot of what to look for as far as his attachment goes but i know that the therapist he had in mesa county seemed very concerned. She is concerned because she feels that banana doesn't seem to have the tools to calm himself in a stressful situation, he has never formed a healthy attachment with a caregiver and therefore will take a lot of work to form an attachment with me and brian. I have noticed great changes in him so far and hope that once we start therapy he will be able to make even more progress.
He started calling me momma about 2 days ago and the first time he did it was super cute. The boys were eating breakfast and i was in the kitchen. He started yelling momma, momma, momma and i thought 'hmmm, i wonder if he's calling me or trying to say something else.' I came around the corner and he got the biggest smile on his face! It was so cute, it was like he was trying it out and seeing if i would respond to him calling me momma. He has called me momma now a few times and he just smiles so big when i respond. The other two are not calling me momma yet, turtle has tried it out a couple times but is not consistent and gee still calls me lisa.
Banana just started walking not too long ago. He was not sitting up or crawling when he was taken from his bio mom at 13 months old, he has made huge progress. He is 2 now but i find his motor skills to be more around a 1 year old, he is unsure on his feet and falls quite a bit. He doesn't do too good on stairs and often will sit to go down them rather than walk. He has made great progress in just a year and i can't wait for him to start some therapy, i am sure he will catch up soon!
He plays on his own most of the time and doesn't interact with his brothers much, however, he depends on them to be near him. He needs them for emotional support but has not developed the ability to play with them, that will come with time. His play is still very much like a 1 year old and i am sure that once he has the chance to feel secure, loved and safe he will start to put himself out there and play with other children, it really is a learned skill and it will be exciting to see all the things he is going to learn in our home.
He seems to be used to having the rule of the house, he hits his brothers a lot and has bitten turtle twice. He throws and takes away toys and thinks it is very funny when he gets in trouble. He gives me a big grin, almost like he is expecting me to laugh at his behavior. I think he got away with a lot of inappropriate behavior in his previous foster home. He was in the home the longest, he came into the home as a baby and needed a lot of extra care and unfortunately he received little discipline. It is something we are working on, appropriate behavior and consequences for inappropriate behavior.
We definitely have our work cut out for us with these three little boys. I am so happy they are in our home, though. I feel like me and brian will be able to make a big difference in their lives and we love them so much already. I know that our love will grow with them everyday and i am looking forward to starting our therapies and hopefully preschool for the oldest. It is exciting and i sure hope they will get to stay in our home and we will have the opportunity to adopt them. They are wonderful boys and just need parents that are willing to work with them, love them, care for them, make them feel secure and safe and a home and family that will be theirs forever.
Banana has a lot of attachment issues and i can see that he will need the most work in getting him to feel comfortable here in our home. I don't know a lot of what to look for as far as his attachment goes but i know that the therapist he had in mesa county seemed very concerned. She is concerned because she feels that banana doesn't seem to have the tools to calm himself in a stressful situation, he has never formed a healthy attachment with a caregiver and therefore will take a lot of work to form an attachment with me and brian. I have noticed great changes in him so far and hope that once we start therapy he will be able to make even more progress.
He started calling me momma about 2 days ago and the first time he did it was super cute. The boys were eating breakfast and i was in the kitchen. He started yelling momma, momma, momma and i thought 'hmmm, i wonder if he's calling me or trying to say something else.' I came around the corner and he got the biggest smile on his face! It was so cute, it was like he was trying it out and seeing if i would respond to him calling me momma. He has called me momma now a few times and he just smiles so big when i respond. The other two are not calling me momma yet, turtle has tried it out a couple times but is not consistent and gee still calls me lisa.
Banana just started walking not too long ago. He was not sitting up or crawling when he was taken from his bio mom at 13 months old, he has made huge progress. He is 2 now but i find his motor skills to be more around a 1 year old, he is unsure on his feet and falls quite a bit. He doesn't do too good on stairs and often will sit to go down them rather than walk. He has made great progress in just a year and i can't wait for him to start some therapy, i am sure he will catch up soon!
He plays on his own most of the time and doesn't interact with his brothers much, however, he depends on them to be near him. He needs them for emotional support but has not developed the ability to play with them, that will come with time. His play is still very much like a 1 year old and i am sure that once he has the chance to feel secure, loved and safe he will start to put himself out there and play with other children, it really is a learned skill and it will be exciting to see all the things he is going to learn in our home.
He seems to be used to having the rule of the house, he hits his brothers a lot and has bitten turtle twice. He throws and takes away toys and thinks it is very funny when he gets in trouble. He gives me a big grin, almost like he is expecting me to laugh at his behavior. I think he got away with a lot of inappropriate behavior in his previous foster home. He was in the home the longest, he came into the home as a baby and needed a lot of extra care and unfortunately he received little discipline. It is something we are working on, appropriate behavior and consequences for inappropriate behavior.
We definitely have our work cut out for us with these three little boys. I am so happy they are in our home, though. I feel like me and brian will be able to make a big difference in their lives and we love them so much already. I know that our love will grow with them everyday and i am looking forward to starting our therapies and hopefully preschool for the oldest. It is exciting and i sure hope they will get to stay in our home and we will have the opportunity to adopt them. They are wonderful boys and just need parents that are willing to work with them, love them, care for them, make them feel secure and safe and a home and family that will be theirs forever.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
a little about our turtle
I am going to tell you what i have learned about the middle boy so far.
I have started calling him turtle, he can be so slow sometimes! He is especially slow when we are getting into the car to go somewhere and i will ask him to move faster and he deliberately slows down. He is very smart and he tries to express himself any way he can!
He is a real sweetheart and was the first one of the boys to initiate affection. He started to come up and lay his head in our laps when we were sitting on the couch. He will sit with us and cuddle up, something neither of the other boys have done with me. He seems very sensitive.
He has very little verbal skills and it surprises me that he did not have therapy set up sooner. He was in speech therapy for only a month or two before coming to our home. He has learned to communicate with hand gestures and sound effects, he really only has about 20 words total so it is surprising that he is able to get his point across so well. Turtle's facial expressions are so fun to see, he is very expressive and again i think it is something he has developed to help him compensate for his lack of verbal skills.
He has really started to test me and brian, acting out and not listening. He is very deliberate in his actions and definitely understands when he is misbehaving. It is his way of getting attention, as i said in the earlier post his older brother is so verbal that turtle needs to find a way to get himself noticed. It is something i need to be aware of; that he needs to have the attention before he starts misbehaving. Gee takes up so much of my energy with his constant talking that it is easy to forget about turtle. I am aware of turtles need for attention and hope that i can meet his needs and that once we start our therapies it will be easier to give him some one on one time.
He is very timid in his gross motor play but has made huge strides since being in our home and i think he just needed some encouragement and someone who would be there to help him. He was scared and held back when playing on playground equipment and now he will at least try and plays on his own more, not needing someone to constantly hold his hand. It gives me great hope that brian and i will be able to help him immensely, considering he has made such big strides in just a few weeks. I am excited to see how well he will do in months and then years!:)
I have started calling him turtle, he can be so slow sometimes! He is especially slow when we are getting into the car to go somewhere and i will ask him to move faster and he deliberately slows down. He is very smart and he tries to express himself any way he can!
He is a real sweetheart and was the first one of the boys to initiate affection. He started to come up and lay his head in our laps when we were sitting on the couch. He will sit with us and cuddle up, something neither of the other boys have done with me. He seems very sensitive.
He has very little verbal skills and it surprises me that he did not have therapy set up sooner. He was in speech therapy for only a month or two before coming to our home. He has learned to communicate with hand gestures and sound effects, he really only has about 20 words total so it is surprising that he is able to get his point across so well. Turtle's facial expressions are so fun to see, he is very expressive and again i think it is something he has developed to help him compensate for his lack of verbal skills.
He has really started to test me and brian, acting out and not listening. He is very deliberate in his actions and definitely understands when he is misbehaving. It is his way of getting attention, as i said in the earlier post his older brother is so verbal that turtle needs to find a way to get himself noticed. It is something i need to be aware of; that he needs to have the attention before he starts misbehaving. Gee takes up so much of my energy with his constant talking that it is easy to forget about turtle. I am aware of turtles need for attention and hope that i can meet his needs and that once we start our therapies it will be easier to give him some one on one time.
He is very timid in his gross motor play but has made huge strides since being in our home and i think he just needed some encouragement and someone who would be there to help him. He was scared and held back when playing on playground equipment and now he will at least try and plays on his own more, not needing someone to constantly hold his hand. It gives me great hope that brian and i will be able to help him immensely, considering he has made such big strides in just a few weeks. I am excited to see how well he will do in months and then years!:)
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
a little about 'Gee'
I am so busy! I am hoping it will settle down here soon. It will be nice to get into a routine.
I am going to try and post about each of the boys separately these next few days. They are so wonderful and i am getting to know them more and more. It is fun and interesting! I hope i will find the time to post more consistently.
I'd like to tell you a little about the oldest. I am going to refer to him as Gee. Gee is an amazing little guy and i can see he has carried a lot of pain and responsibility in his short 4 years. He is a people pleaser and it breaks my heart to see him try so hard to make everyone happy. A lot of the reports we received before we met the boys was that he hit and acted out a lot. I haven't seen that yet, he tries so hard to do everything right and to be a 'good' boy. He is still getting to know us better and i can tell he is worried about having to move again. We are the third home he has been in since he was taken away a year ago. He is trying so hard to be on his best behavior, he is so scared he will have to move. I am sure he thinks it is his fault that he has had to move to so many different homes. It makes you wonder what is going on in their little minds. The therapist stated that he felt he was a naughty boy and the last foster mom seemed to have no patience for him. It makes me so sad to think that he blames himself.
Gee definitely takes care of his brothers. He tries so hard to keep them happy and gets upset when he sees them cry. It should not be his responsibility to take care of his brothers, he needs the time and space to be a 4 year old little boy. The 3 of them depend so much on each other and they are the only constants in each others lives. I can understand how strong that bond has to be for these 3 boys but it makes me sad to think that the oldest has taken on so many of the parenting responsibilities and i hope that he can learn to trust me and brian to be the parents so he can relax and be a child once again.
Gee needs constant reassurance that what he is doing is 'good' behavior and that we approve of his actions. It's like he is giving a commentary on every single action he takes throughout his day. It is the hardest thing for me to deal with, and i am hoping i can get some help in dealing with his need to have constant feedback. He demands so much attention and will keep talking till he gets a reply, it is frustrating because his brothers have speech delays and it is very easy for gee to get the attention by talking over or for his brothers.
Gee is a very loving little guy. He gives hugs and kisses willingly and indiscriminately. It is wonderful to see him so lovable but it is also an indication that he has not been able to establish a healthy attachment to a caregiver. He does not have a fear of strangers which is dangerous. I hope that with therapy and a safe and steady home, he will learn to value himself and not be so willing to give his love to just anyone; not knowing if the person he is giving his hugs and kisses to will hurt him or not.
Gee is a super smart boy and it is amazing that he has been able to retain what he has learned up till now, especially since he has gone through so much emotionally. I am excited to see how much he can learn when he finally feels safe and secure in a home and with a family he can call his forever.
I am going to try and post about each of the boys separately these next few days. They are so wonderful and i am getting to know them more and more. It is fun and interesting! I hope i will find the time to post more consistently.
I'd like to tell you a little about the oldest. I am going to refer to him as Gee. Gee is an amazing little guy and i can see he has carried a lot of pain and responsibility in his short 4 years. He is a people pleaser and it breaks my heart to see him try so hard to make everyone happy. A lot of the reports we received before we met the boys was that he hit and acted out a lot. I haven't seen that yet, he tries so hard to do everything right and to be a 'good' boy. He is still getting to know us better and i can tell he is worried about having to move again. We are the third home he has been in since he was taken away a year ago. He is trying so hard to be on his best behavior, he is so scared he will have to move. I am sure he thinks it is his fault that he has had to move to so many different homes. It makes you wonder what is going on in their little minds. The therapist stated that he felt he was a naughty boy and the last foster mom seemed to have no patience for him. It makes me so sad to think that he blames himself.
Gee definitely takes care of his brothers. He tries so hard to keep them happy and gets upset when he sees them cry. It should not be his responsibility to take care of his brothers, he needs the time and space to be a 4 year old little boy. The 3 of them depend so much on each other and they are the only constants in each others lives. I can understand how strong that bond has to be for these 3 boys but it makes me sad to think that the oldest has taken on so many of the parenting responsibilities and i hope that he can learn to trust me and brian to be the parents so he can relax and be a child once again.
Gee needs constant reassurance that what he is doing is 'good' behavior and that we approve of his actions. It's like he is giving a commentary on every single action he takes throughout his day. It is the hardest thing for me to deal with, and i am hoping i can get some help in dealing with his need to have constant feedback. He demands so much attention and will keep talking till he gets a reply, it is frustrating because his brothers have speech delays and it is very easy for gee to get the attention by talking over or for his brothers.
Gee is a very loving little guy. He gives hugs and kisses willingly and indiscriminately. It is wonderful to see him so lovable but it is also an indication that he has not been able to establish a healthy attachment to a caregiver. He does not have a fear of strangers which is dangerous. I hope that with therapy and a safe and steady home, he will learn to value himself and not be so willing to give his love to just anyone; not knowing if the person he is giving his hugs and kisses to will hurt him or not.
Gee is a super smart boy and it is amazing that he has been able to retain what he has learned up till now, especially since he has gone through so much emotionally. I am excited to see how much he can learn when he finally feels safe and secure in a home and with a family he can call his forever.
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