not so positive

I had a procedure done last week. I had an uterine oblation, it is where they freeze the inside of the uterus and when they are done there is the hope that there will be no more periods or at least lighter and shorter periods and it also means the uterus can never hold a fetus. I have chronic anemia and hope this will help, i am sick of dealing with this every time i go to the doctor (i am not very good at taking my iron). I also am sick of this monthly reminder that i will never have children. Why have a period if i don't have to.
The hardest part of the procedure was the pain, it was a very painful procedure for me and they did not put me under for this procedure. It was extremely painful and i don't know if i would of done it if i had known how painful it was going to be. I have so much pain associated with my reproductive organs, not only emotional but physical pain. I am truly sick of it! It seems never ending, these constant reminders of my inability to have children.
I am so sad, angry and frustrated. This is not an uplifting post, i have no words of hope right this minute.
I want a child of my own. I don't understand how this can be so hard for me and brian. It is frustrating to see so many people around me pregnant and adopting. I find myself wanting to stay in my house and away from all those reminders of what i don't have. I don't even want to go to the store, there are baby and little girl clothes everywhere. It just makes me sad. There are families, pregnant women and children everywhere!
This is a downer post, i am not feeling the hope right now. Maybe the next post. I write this for me, though. I need to get this out of me, i don't want to hold all this sadness, anger and frustration inside me.
It's just one of those days where i want to scream and cry for all my lost babies, my lil' love bug who is no longer with me and the babies i can never have!!