sometimes waiting is the hardest part

I am nervous, anxious, frustrated and in general i am a big ball of stress, which always seems to settle in my shoulders! Needless to say, i could use a good massage! I don't know what we will hear this next week or so and it is driving me crazy. I so want it to be news that our lil' love bug is coming back to us but i really don't want to dwell on it. It's hard to explain, i have this hope but i don't want to want it too much because if we get the news that her mom wants to keep her, it's only going to make it harder to take. Probably an irrational way to look at it but believe me there has not been a lot of rational thinking on my part lately. This whole not knowing does some crazy stuff and i can tell i am getting stressed out about this decision the closer it gets to the end of the month. I keep trying to tell myself that i am not going to think about it, but it's the only thing on my mind. I can't get to bed before midnight and i'm up at six in the morning. I am praying a lot and i keep asking God to help me to see the truth in whatever decision we hear and to keep our lil' love bug safe. Only God knows what she needs and i have to rely on his grace and love to keep her safe and happy now. I sure wish God's time coincided with mine............just.a.little.bit:)