our path is set in stone

We had our lil' love bug in our home and we were doing wonderfully. She was a joy and at this point we weren't concentrating on having a child of our own. So needless to say we were in shock to find out i was pregnant. It was about a year ago and the way we found out wasn't so wonderful. I had incredible stomach pain and my doctor couldn't figure out why, so i checked myself into the hospital so i could get a cat scan faster. Luckily, i went in when i did and didn't wait for a week or longer for a cat scan to be scheduled. The doctors couldn't figure out what was going on and then they said i was pregnant. I was happy for about a second and then i realized that something had to be wrong because here i was with this incredible pain. Well, once again i had a tubal pregnancy. I was taken into surgery and they were surprised that my tube hadn't burst yet, it was stretched and torn. I lost my other tube. Then and there in that surgery room i lost the ability to ever have children of my own. Once again i was devastated but at this point we had our sweet pea in our home and it didn't seem so disastrous. Although, i have overwhelming feelings of loss sometimes. I will never know what it feels like to have a child that comes from me and my husband. We will always wonder what our child would look like, what characteristics would our child get from our genes. The joy of carrying a baby and being there for all there first milestones. I will never have the joy of giving my baby a name, a name that i have searched for through baby name books, a name that means something to me and my husband. I will never have a baby shower, i won't be going to target to register for baby items. It makes me sad sometimes but i try not to dwell on it, it is nice not to have those feelings of disappointment every month. I know my path now. God has shown me the way once again and i will go with much love, patience, joy and hope for my future. We will have a baby one day, i now know our baby will come from the boulder county foster system. My path is now set in stone.............