eat, pray, love

No news
Hoping
Tired
Praying
Needing answers
Patience
Frustrated
Begging
Anger
Exhausted
Sad
Please

Okay, so these are the thoughts that run through my head over and over........all day. Oh yeah, i also hear myself: I'm a mommy on the edge!(said in donkeys voice from shrek) Somehow this cracks me up every time i hear it in my head. It makes me laugh and stops the aforementioned thoughts for a minute or so. (yes, i do talk to myself quite often throughout my day)
I just wish we could have some direction. It is my need to have control of every situation. I am trying to release that control. I am trying to find that place of acceptance and peace. The place in my mind and soul where i can be patient and let what will happen...happen. It is hard for me, i don't like the unknown. I appreciate plans, order, i like to know what to expect. I am trying to keep busy, keep my mind off of it. I know this is not the healthy way to deal with it. I can't stay busy all the time and i am wearing myself out trying. I do have quiet time. During those moments of silence (naptime), i am exploring some meditation exercises. It will take awhile for me to get to the place where i can sit for any period of time and actually meditate. I feel like julia roberts in the movie eat, pray, love when she is in the meditation room trying to clear her mind of thoughts and she looks up at the clock and a minute has gone by! That's me!

So anyway, we have no new news. We are still waiting for answers and we are still waiting for the phone to ring. Until then......

i will continue to work on just being and letting it be.