baggage, the continuation

Thankfully brian and i talked and we have made some decisions about the contact the boys will have with brian's mother. It is a real tough situation and i am so proud of brian for standing up for not only the boys but for himself too. It is very hard to do when the person who is doing the hurtful things is your own mother. I am lucky to have such a wonderful, strong and self confident husband and partner in my life. He has always put us first and now he is prepared to put our family first.
Brian feels the same way that i do, his mother will always see the boys as his brother's boys. I find this incredibly disrespectful. We are the ones taking care of these boys. We hold them, we love them, we are responsible for their education, we take care of them when they are sick, provide for them financially, emotionally, physically......etc. I can't even imagine someone not seeing these boys as ours. How could you think of these boys as being the children of someone who has not been able to provide for them in any sort of capacity? delusional. We talked about contact with his mother and we decided that if she wants to see the boys, she needs to come here to our house to see them. Not only his mother but the bio parents too. When the time comes for the parents to have contact with the boys, it is going to be at our house or here in our town, some place where the boys are comfortable and feel safe and secure. The boys are never going to go see their parents or their grandmother. They are going to come see them. It is very symbolic of the relationship i want the boys to have with their bio parents and grandmother. The boys have been through enough, they have had a lot put on them and they have been responsible for making their parents happy for far too long. It is now the parents turn to make the effort and they will be the ones responsible for making the drive to come see the boys. It is no longer the boy's responsibility.
I don't even know when the parents will have physical visit with the boys again. It might be awhile. I can't imagine how unstable and worried the boys must feel. They have been in our home for almost 3 months now, it is not nearly long enough for them to feel like another move will not happen. They have moved around too much and it is going to take a long time for them to be able to see their parents and not worry about having to move or have all those feelings that come with being neglected by them. They will never see their parents again and not have anxiety. I just want them to have the tools to deal with their feelings, to be able to express themselves and to work through it with our help and our love and understanding. We are not even close to that kind of understanding ~ it is going to take awhile and i want the boys prepared for when the day comes when they do see their parents or their grandmother.