Seriously.....angry!

I am lucky that i don't have to deal with the family drama like brian does. I feel bad for him, and i'm sure i don't make the situation any better because as soon as he tells me about whats going on....I GO OFF! I'm sure it's not the reaction he's looking for or what he needs at that moment. I just get so angry. He talks to his brother and has to deal with his questions and comments, not me. Sometimes i wish it were me though, i would let him have it and i wouldn't be nice about it either. Seems that the boy's dad and brian's other brother can't seem to get along and like to hurt each other, verbally. The second brother likes to throw the fact that the birth dad doesn't have his kids (and we do) and that he can't see his kids in his face every time they start to argue. Seriously? Leave these poor kids out of your f'ing fights, and if you do want to bring that shit up, i DON'T want to hear about it! It's a low blow and it shows a lack of intelligence. The second brother needs to stop using my kids to help fight his petty arguments. He better not let me hear it, i am a pretty quiet person until you really piss me off....then you'll know it.
So the birth dad then calls and tells brian what the second brother says and is upset because the second brother has told him that he will never see his kids. Again, seriously?! We have told the birth dad - don't believe anything you hear unless it comes from our mouths! again - Don't believe anything unless you hear it from us! Still he calls and has to ask us stupid ass questions like this. Grrrr.....i am so over it. Brian's second brother has no voice in what we decide to do with our boys. Once we adopt the boys, no one will have a thing to say about how we raise, or the decisions we make for the boys. These are our decisions. We have never told the birth dad that he will never see his boys again. We have always told him he will have a role in the boy's lives. He is the birth dad and they will know this and they will know him. However, it is not a good idea right now, they need some time to feel secure in our home and with us before we introduce the birth parents again. I just want to shake him and tattoo this on his chest 'don't believe it unless you hear it from us'.
Then the birth dad has the nerve to express how upset he is that the second brother can come over anytime and see 'his' kids. Well, duh! of course he can come over anytime he wants, of course he can see the boys. He did not fail to care for these boys, he was not the one responsible for their well-being and care. He did not fail to care for these boys and put them through a horrendous, sad and neglectful first years of life! sickening. I am so tired of such selfishness and ignorance. DON'T use these boys as fuel for your arguments and fights. They are done fulfilling your needs.

Then......brian's third brother tells him that we can use his house as a neutral and safe place to meet(us, the boys, birth dad and grandma). Sigh (huge!) It is not about needing a neutral place to meet. The boys need to know that they are going to be living with us.....forever. We are going to be their parents. We are their permanent home. We are their mommy and daddy. They need to know that 'hey kiddo i know you love these people and have spent all this time getting to know them but, hey, your moving to a new home with a new mommy and daddy' is NOT going to happen to them again. They are not going to have to get used to a new set of rules and a new family. It is going to take longer than 6 months and it is taking a lot of therapy and a lot of love and patience. A visit with the birth dad is not an option right now!! It would set us back to the beginning, all that therapy down the drain. All the love and reassurance......gone! We are not going to do that to the boys, and i don't know how to get it through to these good intentioned(?) people. Everything we do, every decision we make is in the best interest of the boys. I don't care how this makes birth dad feel, i don't care how this makes uncle feel, i do care how this makes the boys feel. It is so frustrating. I don't know if these people will ever see these boys as our boys. They will always be the birth dad's boys, that we are raising.

In reality, they WILL be our boys. We WILL adopt them. We WILL be mom and dad and we WILL raise them as our children. That day will come, let's just hope the extended family decides to join us in our reality or else they will be left behind in their own fantasy world of pettiness and anger.