a yard to grow

We have a yard! It has been wonderful and we've actually only taken advantage of it two times. I keep forgetting it's out there, brian is actually the one who has spent time out there and he has sent the boys out there to play. I will admit that i am not much of an outside person. I hate yard work and i hate bugs! (but i LOVE camping)....i know it makes no sense. I used to love being outside, not sure when that changed. I remember spending ALL day outside when i was growing up. Me and my brothers would have to be called in for dinner before we would enter the house.

The boys spent over 2 hours outside on sunday, they had so much fun! Brian had them outside, all bundled up and playing when i came home from the store. It was hard for me to just leave them to play by themselves. I get this crazy guilt like i should be out there supervising and spending my time with them but i just let them play and kept checking on them every few minutes!lol It took me about an hour to be comfortable enough to let them just play and realize that they were fine and safe, our yard is completely secure. It was wonderful to watch them play. It's the kind of play i remember doing and i could see them get comfortable playing by themselves the longer they were out there. Sticks, dirt, running, tree stumps and seeing there imaginations come alive. It was wonderful!

I find it hard to not feel guilty when i MAKE them play by themselves, and when i say make, i mean make! They don't like to play by themselves, even though they have each other to play with. Heaven forbid i separate them and ask them to play by themselves! I know they need reassurance and quality time, i give it to them and we work on colors, numbers, shapes, etc. I just also feel they need to build the relationship with each other. Healthy relationships in a secure and safe home, relationships that aren't made out of necessity but out of play and imagination based on fun and happiness.

I love them so much and want them to experience a great childhood full of play and fun. I remember my best friends growing up were my brothers (i was 12 when my sister was born, we didn't really grow up together). We had sooooo much fun and we are still close and i love that we can get together and just love and joke around together like it was all yesterday. My mom was wonderful and she was a great provider, caretaker and loving shoulder to cry on but she wasn't my favorite playmate. I want them to depend on me for food, shelter and i want to be the shoulder they cry on but i don't want to smother them. I don't want to be there every moment they are playing; directing their play, influencing their choices. I want them to be independent in their play, rely on their own imagination and learn to work out the obstacles that present themselves.

I am so happy to have a back yard, one that is so secure and safe. My boys will be spending a lot of time out there.