sticking to it

My last post was one of those posts i love to write, it was positive and really showed what i hold in my heart and what i believe in. Saying that, it is also one of those posts i have to look back on several times because it is hard to stay in the positive and leave everything to God. It is great to have a philosophy but to hold to it is another thing. I can't tell you how many times i have cried, screamed and been so angry and sad i felt like i couldn't do this another second. It is a constant struggle to stick to my beliefs and i have to remind myself all the time that this is not about just me and brian and what we want but about the children and their bio families too. It is never easy to hand everything over to God, it is something that you have to choose every day and believe me it is easy to forget. I have been in that place over the last two years, that place where i forget that i am not the one who is in control. It is a hard road when i am in that place, those are the times where i am screaming, crying and so angry i lose myself. I can only control my actions and what i feel and how i react. I cannot control anything else and that is the hard part, but isn't that the truth not only in foster care but in life.