Finally...........a decision :)

Wow! I finally have a chance to get some of what happened yesterday out and onto my blog! (now it's two days ago!) So, we went to court and everyone sounded like they were sure the boys were going to come home with us. I knew we had a pretty good chance but was surprised to hear everyone talk like it was a done deal! The foster dad talked to brian and it was very sad and upsetting. (of course foster mom did not show up) He was real upset but it was nice that he was able to give us some pointers on what the boys liked to do with him (fishing, hang out in the garage, etc.) He has always been very nice to us and it was heart wrenching to know that they were ready to watch the boys leave their home. It really is too bad that the foster mom wasn't more like the foster dad, the boys could still be in their home! I have to remind myself this, because it was hard to know that because of us, these boys were being taken from a foster family who were going to be very upset and sad to see them go. It's all about choices and unfortunately the foster mom has not made good choices. Thank goodness we stepped forward, the foster family home was not a stable and safe home for the boys.
Court was awful to listen to, the foster mom was worse than i thought. She sounds mentally unstable and is dealing with a lot of grief and loss (may have lost a child in December). I sure hope they can get her some counseling, although it sounds like she has refused any kind of help so far. She is not a very loving and demonstrative caregiver. She is stand-offish with the boys and doesn't give much in the way of hugs and kisses. She is rigid and has set rules and the boys need to follow them, no matter what issues they may have because of the severe amount of neglect they have experienced in their short lives. The therapist was shocked and genuinely upset by her inappropriate behavior. They had attachment observations with her and the oldest and youngest child and she was horrendous! The therapist says that people are usually on their best behavior because they know they are being watched and she was surprised to see her emotionally unavailable and to hear her comments.During the observation with the oldest, she was play wrestling/tickling him and it was the one time the therapist saw her physically engage and show emotion with him. He went to do the same thing to her (tickle) and she grabbed his hand and said 'no touching'. They continued to interact during the observation and she joked with him 'you are mean, i'm going to trade you in for another child'. I couldn't believe it! I think i actually gasped and then i couldn't stop from crying. It was the last straw. The therapist said that the youngest does not have a healthy attachment to the foster mom like she thought he had initially. She has not been able to foster an emotionally healthy relationship with any of the boys. It is really very sad and i am thankful that we were able to step in and provide a home for these boys.
It is because of the foster mom's recent and past behavior that we could not do a transition. She could not handle it emotionally and it would have been worse for the boys. It is really very sad that she could not think of the boys well being and do what was best for them. Everyone who testified and had a chance to speak all said that a transition of some sort is best but that in this situation it was not going to be possible. Court was over at 12 and the foster mom brought the boys to the county building at 2, she didn't even bring them into the building. She was so angry, she refused to have contact with any of the caseworkers or therapists. It would have been nice if she could have made this easier for the boys and reassured them that they were going to be safe in our home and showed them that she was happy for them. (even if she wasn't) It wasn't about her, it's about the boys and i can't believe that there are foster parents out there who cannot put the children's needs ahead of everything else. I would have liked to know their schedule, their likes and dislikes, what they like to play with, how they sleep, favorite foods..............it would have been nice to have any kind of information. It really is too bad.
The bio parents and the boys maternal grandparents all came to the county building to say goodbye to the boys and that was a little crazy. It was definitely overwhelming. They were right up in the boys faces; hugging and kissing them and the little one could not really handle it. He was pretty upset anyway but then with all the commotion we could not get him to calm down and stop crying. Everyone was trying to take pictures, we needed to sign paperwork. It was a lot for everyone to take in, especially in such a short period of time. It is good that the parents got to say goodbye though. They were still having weekly visits with the boys and now the visits are suspended for at least 3 months. They can call and send letters/packages but they will not be allowed to visit with the children.
I really want to get this posted, so i am going to end this now. I hope i will have time to post again soon.