future contact

It is hard to decide what kind of contact is allowable and acceptable for the bio-parents to have with their children. The children need to have that contact but they also need to feel secure and safe in your home and with you. You want them to know that their parents love them, which is always the case but that their parents just couldn't take care of them. (whatever the reason) It is definitely a decision that needs to be made on a case by case basis. These children come from very different situations and you have to be comfortable with the parents enough to trust that they will not hurt the child during any future contact. It is a huge responsibility and decision to make. There is all kinds of contact and the contact you decide to make available to the parents may not be what they were expecting or wanting. Phone calls, letters, packages or visits; whether they are weekly, monthly, holidays or maybe once a year, these are the decisions that need to be made. Not only do you have to make the best decision for your kids (who are your family now) you have caseworkers, friends, family and bio family telling you what is the best thing. Why do people feel they have a say, they would never offer advice so willingly if these were our biological children. It is disrespectful and frustrating. Heaven forbid, you have grandparents, aunts or uncles come forward and want to have contact with these children! It takes a lot of patience, love and understanding to deal with so many people feeling they have a claim to your children. There is a lot of guilt when you finally make your decision and you hope that you can work through it and stick to your decision, not just for yourself but for your children.
It has to be the best thing for your family and you hope that family, friends and caseworkers will respect your decision and keep their opinions to themselves. It is your family. Sometimes it is even hard for us to to be confident with our decisions and to realize that these kids will be our family and our responsibility and we get to make those decisions. We have spent so many months getting permission to cut their hair, take them on vacation, reporting when we give them medicine, when they get hurt. It is hard to get out of the mindset that these children belong to someone else.
One day these children will be ours and we will get to make the decisions and we will no longer have to report to someone else. I pray that when that day comes, we will make the best decisions for our family and we will not have the guilt.